Waiting for Whiteout

National Weather Service: "Winter storm warning remains in effect until 6 a.m. CST Tuesday…Expect snow to develop around noon and then diminish around 6 a.m. Tuesday. The heaviest snowfall rates will occur between noon and 8 p.m. this evening. Total accumulations of 8 to 12 inches are expected. Look for significant reductions in visibility to as low as 1/4 mile…due to a combination of snow and blowing snow. Traffic will be very difficult to impossible…especially for the evening commute." Hot damn.

It's about 10:30 a.m. and I'm just kind of waiting. I called Mark at Eagle Eye to make sure I was on his list of properties they clear after a snow storm, since we had only talked about it when he was here last. He did have me down, so anytime there's a snowfall over 2 inches, he comes and clears it automatically.

I think winter is finally here. Daytime highs are in the mid- to upper-20s all this week, and lows on several nights are expected to dip into the single digits. And I'm really enjoying it. I'd forgotten how brisk and alive cold weather makes me feel.

A Swarm of celebrating Solbergs

Glen (lower right) oversees the present giving Xmas Eve.

Sister-in-law Pam has been taking care of me from a distance. She brought over an old heavy coat of Steve's for me to wear until I get one of my own. She also brought over some loaner gloves for me, though I haven't used them yet.

Speaking of Christmas, it has come and gone. Christmas Eve was held at the house in Ettrick. It was pretty much a Solberg event, and there are lots of them! Pater familias  Glen proudly says, "Six kids, ten grandchildren and seven great-grandchildren." Glen's recovering from a stay in hospital, and I could tell that having the kids around really lifted his heart, though they did wear him out over the course of the evening.

Most of the gifts were for the kids, who really did a great job staying civil and polite with all those new toys.

After the kids finish opening their presents, the adults have a Chinese Auction, where everyone brings a gift. Numbers are chosen from a hat; number 1 picks a gift. Number 2 can pick another gift or they can "steal" the gift number 1 opened. Number 3 can choose a present or "steal" from 1 or 2. After being stolen twice, a gift becomes unstealable. And so it goes until all presents are disbursed.

It's not such a bad little tree.

After everything's been unwrapped and all the stealing has occurred, you can always negotiate with someone. I swapped my gift for one Emily had gotten (Amanda picked it as her proxy, since Emily and Jim had to leave to go to another gathering). So I swapped with Emily and ended up with a Charlie Brown Christmas tree (from the TV special) with one red ornament. It speaks to me.

Christmas Day and Saturday I spent at home, watching all the Christmas programming that I've been recording on the DVR: The Simpsons Christmas specials, South Park Christmas specials, and a number of films ("The Bishop's Wife," "Miracle on 34th St." "A Christmas Carol," etc.). Spent some time missing family and weeping over loss. Not a lot of time, though.

I'm finding that letting out a minute or two of weepy sadness will vastly improve my frame of mind for the next couple days. If I sit on the grief, it can ruin a whole week or more and send me into spirals. So crying is like an emotional laxative for me, a real soul movement, keeping things regular.

Sunday, the McDougal branch of the family reassembled in Ettrick for yet another Christmas celebration, this time exchanging gifts with the immediate family. Ettrick had gotten some snow (in La Crosse it had been misty rain), and there was ice on the road in front of their house, so I spent some time practicing turning and sliding the car on the ice before I parked. It felt very familiar from my years in Alaska, and I realized the skills were still there, just needing to be reawakened and honed.

Being my first holiday gift giving here, I stayed safe and got people gift cards to Menard's (Pam's and Avis' favorite store), which is Wisconsin's version of Home Depot (only much nicer, with almost anything you could think of under one roof). Pam gave me a pair of gloves, which is nice, because I my hands were freezing for most of the drive out there (30 miles). I also got a blanket for the car, which joins the ice scraper that Amanda gave me as a welcome present back in April. I already had the car winterized back in November, so I think I'm ready to go.

•  •  •  •  •

I just checked the Doppler radar on my phone, and the wall of snow is almost here. I'm snug in my house, waiting to watch this all unfold, wondering what Patty's reaction will be.

Speaking of Patty, she got a Christmas gift as well. It's a stocking that says "Santa's Favorite Cat" (now she has one to hang on the mantle). Inside were with three tiny fleece pillows filled with catnip. I left the pillows inside the stocking so she wouldn't lose them under the sofa. She loves her present and has been drooling and squirming over it, attacking it. I don't think I've seen her this worked up since we moved in.

•  •  •  •  •

I look up at the window and tiny snowflakes are drifting through the air, already accumulating on the ground and rooftops. The car is safely stowed in the garage, so I can avoid scraping and sweeping snow the next time I want to go out. But I've got all the provisions I need for the next several days, and plan to watch this all from my place here near the fire.

Wrap

Yes, it's the Christmas blog entry, with the traditional opening and closing videos for your enjoyment.

It's been two months since I put anything down here. I've been in some dark, reflective spaces during that time, all of them relating to Steve's death and two years of transitions. One of the reasons I took a year off from work was to have this time to do this mourning, beyond my physical relocation. And I've been doing a lot of it since the anniversary of Steve's death.

Natalie likes to build forts on the sectional.

I also realized well over a year ago that people just really don't want to be around that. They have genuine concern, but it is evident immediately that personal mourning is not something you can pass around and share with others. It's something you wade through on your own. So there are good days when things get done and there are bad days when I ponder my own mortality and wonder how much time I've got left in this new home.

But no matter how dark I get, I haven't gotten anywhere near suicidal, which is something mourning tends to bring up. No, I don't want to go away. I want this transition phase to be over. And I think that the New Year will bring that, especially when I pay my first year of taxes on the house.

Halloween gala costume winners

The weather has been  unbelievably mild, with highs in the upper 30s to mid-40s. Evening clouds keep the heat in, and it has rarely dropped below freezing at night. There was one period of a few days when the highs were in the upper 20s and it dropped into the teens at night. We got an inch or so of snow which stuck for a couple days, then melted with the next warmup. By all accounts, we will not have a white Christmas this year. In fact, the high is supposed to be 38º. We may get sleet and rain on Boxing Day.

Halloween, I attended the Center's Gala. I went as a trivia quiz, with 20 cards pinned to my shirt. Each had a famous quote from a horror movie, with the name of the movie on the back of the card (like "Heeere's Johnny!", which is from "The Shining"). It took some coaxing to get folks to open the cards, many saying, "I don't really watch horror films." The winners of the costume contest are shown above. There was also a Tippi Hedren in a green tweed suit with stuffed crows attacking her.

The Solberg cousins

In November I started my dental work, which is going to be a long haul. Also, we put together the first newsletter for the Center, which got published last week. We're doing it all pretty much by e-mail, so there's not a lot of personal interaction involved. The final product looked pretty good, considering, and I'm sure we'll be getting the routine down in the new year.

Final ornaments for the tree

Thanksgiving was with the Solberg clan, and it was a very casual affair, with just about everyone in attendance. There was a downstairs family room space (where the photo of the cousins was taken) where the kids could escape. Slowly, I am becoming a quantity to the Solbergs, all of whom I'm not sure I've met.

A fireplace for the stockings

The Saturday after Thanksgiving I invited everyone over to help me put up Christmas decorations. It's been three years since I last decorated for the holidays: In 2012, Steve and I spent Christmas in Eureka. In 2013, Steve had just died and I wasn't feeling festive. In 2014, I was getting the house ready for sale, so the decorations stayed put.

Dining room tree(s)

In December I fully realized that I was in the midst of the Holidays and, as I have always said, "'Tis the season to be dealt with." I promised myself that, beyond getting the holidays up at home, I wasn't going to force holiday cheer if it wasn't spontaneous. One of the things I did want to do was go down to Riverside Park and see the Rotary Lights.

Steve and Pam stopped by the first Friday of December and we had Pizza Night at my place. Afterwards, we went down and checked out the lights. We walked through the park looking at the lights, but they also have a drive-through set up so you can circumvent the park in comfort. Of course, those in vehicles didn't have a chance to stop and purchase some hot chocolate.

Entry for drive through

The sidewalk is Christmas Tree Lane

A geodesic igloo? Sure.

The evening was one of those nippy ones, and Pam brought an extra heavy coat for me, since I haven't gotten around to purchasing one in all this mild weather.

We walked in from the south, along the sidewalk, and all the park trees were festooned with lights. We were a block away and already feeling festive. We crossed the street into the park, which was ablaze with displays and scores and scores of small Christmas trees sponsored by various organizations in town.

Some displays were high tech, some were simple and obviously homespun. All of them were impressive. We circumvented about two-thirds of the park when we stopped in to have a cup of cocoa and warm up in the "warming tent" provided.

We completed our trek around the park, heading along the river side of the park. There was one animated display which I really liked. A flying saucer appears in the trees with Santa standing below with a present. A beam emits from the saucer, an alien beams down and receives the package from Santa. It's kind of blurry with all the other lights around competing, but the video's worth a look.

Finally, we walked back to the car, and Pam and Steve dropped me off at home before heading back to Ettrick.

On attempting to get a full list of siblings from Pam, she explained the family doesn't give everyone gifts. They have a white elephant Christmas gift exchange. So I really only have to worry about the immediate family.

Yes, you guessed it: I haven't even started shopping. However, I know what I'm getting each person, so that will make it easier. And I plan to hit two, maybe three stores, so it shouldn't get too hectic. And knowing that I won't be driving home in the snow from Ettrick is a plus.

So, for the first time in decades, New Year's resolutions are foremost in my mind. I am ready to put all this upheaval and change behind me, get on with life in La Crosse, and make something meaningful happen for me, especially on the work front. After all, getting someone to hire me would be far simpler than setting up the business again. Either could happen; I've given up crystal balls.

I hope this finds you well and happy, and that your holiday season is filled with joy. I close with one of my favorite Christmas cartoons from childhood (or before).