A Good Part of the New Normal

I knew it was coming. I was hopeful, but I slept in because I didn't want to wake up and hear something I didn't want to hear. Finally, I dragged myself out of bed about 10:30 this morning, went into the office and plucked my iPhone from its charging cord, went in and sat on the toilet.

West Hollywood Wedding, 2008

I was remembering a day in November, five years ago, when I woke up to find that the people of California had extended humane living conditions to farm animals but had passed a Constitutional amendment to deny my right to marry. I reflected on how, if Steve hadn't asked me to marry him in that little island of equality back in the summer of 2008, how different things would be. I was going to ask him after the good people of California had turned down such a bigoted and hateful law.

The Best Men: Cousin Robin
(mine) and John Reeder (Steve's)

It got me thinking about how impromptu our wedding plans had been; how we had to schedule a ceremony in West Hollywood and take one of the open spots: thousands were getting married, it seemed. The pride I had asking my cousin Robin to be my Best Man; turning an upcoming family get-together in downtown L.A. into our wedding reception; how my brother Steve and his family were out from Wisconsin and would be at the reception (which was originally a way for Steve to visit with friends in Southern California he hadn't been able to see otherwise). Then only a few months later, Prop 8 passed and five years of legal posturing ensued.

Our wedding reception, at Olivera Street, August 2008

Now, here on the toilet, the ugly, angry, hateful visage of Justcie Scalia loomed in my head as I activated the phone in my hand and opened the ABC News app.

The news was only a few sentences long, but it was enough: Prop 8 arguments rejected out of hand for lack of standing of the defending parties, DOMA struck down. I could feel my chakras aligning, my heart warming. Not only was my marriage verified, but we were now proffered the same rights and privileges as any other married couple under federal law. Looks like we'll be filing all our taxes jointly next year.

And, even though I've been accorded every courtesy at the VA hospital as Steve's spouse, I am now legally entitled to that treatment.

Tuesday (the day before the decision), we went down to the Long Beach VA and Steve got a transfusion of two units of whole blood, as the chemo is leaving him extremely anemic after about a week or 10 days. Last time around this came as a surprise, and the doctor admitted him for the treatment. Things weren't quite as acute this time around, as we were watching out for it, so instead of getting his next chemo treatment, they scheduled the transfusion as an outpatient procedure, which is much easier to take (and cheaper for the taxpayer, as well).

Since my last entry, I got my oral surgery, which went without a hitch. I had picked up my partial plate at my dentist's the day before and left the surgeon's office with it in place. My mouth hadn't felt that crowded in years! The week after, Steve had his third chemo infusion. Two weeks later, he had a CT scan, which showed that the primary tumor had stopped growing and the secondary lesions had shrunk significantly in size. The lesions on the bones had spread, though, so the oncology team is going to review things while they give Steve's circulatory system and chance to recover before the start in on the next round of chemo, which will probably include new drugs to target the bone lesions.

Steve's tolerating the chemo really well, so amping things up is not a great concern for the doctors; it's just keeping tabs on his blood counts afterward that's problematic. We'll be seeing the oncologist on July 11, so we'll find out more then.

My new client is great to work with. And putting his shop's collection online is going to be daunting, but we're almost ready with the inaugural version, which consists pretty much of slide shows of the different kinds of collections he offers (paintings, sculptures, furniture and decorative objects, with an emphasis on artwork for use in garden settings. We've been working pretty consistently on this for a month, but we have over a hundred pieces ready to show online. The last hurtle is getting all of them titled with dimensions. We can tweak things once we're up and running and know what the clients' responses are.

And Joy is back from vacation and her newsletter should be reaching me any day now, with the eye to getting it out before Independence Day.