Clouds Gone Outside, Now In

I'm feeling blue today, so no pictures. Just whiney, self-indulgent words. I get that way when I'm blue.

It's not depression, you understand. Oh, God, no! Not depression! No, this is more fart-around-all-day, nothing-makes-much-difference kinda blues.

The last two days were cloudy with an off-and-on drizzle that didn't even pretend to be rain. Today's gorgeous, though, with clear skies and temperatures in the mid-70s; just a touch of a breeze, what more could you want?

What I think it is is a twofold kind of thing. First, school ended, and even though I'm still studying, there's not that obligation to attend classes and interact with people. Now I've got all this new knowledge and nothing much to do with it.

Second, last week I applied to several jobs that I thought I was eminently qualified for, and I haven't heard a thing from anybody. I did get the automated "we-received-your-application" e-mail, which is nice, but what I want is a call, an interview. I long for those good old days in the 20th century when you could actually contact someone in the HR department and persuade them to arrange an interview so you could sell yourself.

In two weeks I will have been unemployed for an entire year. This is mind-boggling to me. I thought last time (1998) was horrible at nine months of unemployment. This, however, is consciousness-altering.

On the bright side, I've been planning a trip to Eureka for next month. I want to take Steve up to see the town and the area, see if he would like us to retire there. So we're flying in on a Thursday, checking out neighborhoods and housing prices on Friday, then spending the weekend hiking among the redwoods giants, strolling and discovering the town.

We've got our flight, hotel, car rental, all ready to go. The idea of taking some time off and getting out of town for something other than deaths and memorials is very appealing to me. I get excited when I think about the future. It's just the immediate future that bums me out, and that will change as soon as something appears on the job horizon.

And just writing this has improved my mood. I want to go do something really productive, like trim my beard or vacuum the living room. And in the afternoon, back to studying and the job search.

Hey: life is good. Nothing's being repossessed or foreclosed on. I've got these great new skills I itching to put into practice for some lucky company. All the bills are paid. We won't talk about applying for unemployment extensions today. It's much too nice outside and I'm ready for a walk.