No Bouquet, I Think

Well, it has happened. Steve asked me to marry him. So nuptials are in our future.

I was going to wait until after the November elections to ask him because there's bound to be a proposition on the ballot for a state constitutional amendment to deny marriage to same-sex couples, and I wanted to make sure all the legal obstacles were hurdled before we actually set a date and started inviting people and spending money. But Steve's the romantic one and more impulsive than I, so he popped the question first.

It's odd, because when I came out back in 1972, the concept of same-sex marriage wasn't even a concept. We just wanted to stop being arrested for being in a gay bar. We wanted the police harassment to stop. We just wanted to be viewed as actual human beings. At first, the concept of gay rights was not much more than license to have one big frat party until AIDS came along and sobered everyone up. But getting married? Sure; why not?

I see a major problem in planning the wedding, though: There is no female energy behind the endeavor. Bride and mother of the bride usually provide the majority of the motivation and impetus to the planning process. So rather than having a "traditional" wedding, I think we may have to design one from scratch. Don't worry; it won't be performed on skateboards or anything like that. But I like the idea of reinventing the ritual and making it belong to us.

So everything's getting rethought, at least in my mind. What are the flowers for? Why one big cake and not a lot of cupcakes? Does everyone really need to wear tuxes when no one is wearing a wedding gown? (No, I won't be, and I'm sure Steve's not keen on the idea, either.) What about a theme? (Tropical Tiki is incredibly cheap to pull off but thoroughly tacky.) My sister Kittie and her husband David had a pot luck reception which was killer (people brought everything from elaborate entrees to Kentucky Fried Chicken), but too many folks would be coming long distances for that to be practical here.

We're open to ideas. No date is set as of yet, but it's an inevitability. Leave a comment or drop an e-mail (links are to the right). All I know is we'll try to have it in cool weather, and it's bound to be in the Los Angeles/Pasadena area. We'll probably set a date by the end of the year. We're not in a rush, but we're getting a little too long in the tooth to put it off.